Fix Yourself First...

[LadyPinkfLaMe]

I found me… again. Glory to God!(^_^)

I thank Ate Shamih and GM Ryujin for trying to make me realize some things about my attitude and what other people think or might think about me. They encouraged me to find out who I truly am and be that kind of person. We talked about some matters. I do admit those were hurting but truth hurts. So these past few days, I tried to explore myself and found out that I was not being the “real” me. I journeyed to what Ate Shamih recommended – “self-discovery” or should I say “re” self-discovery.

I’m happy to share this to you girls. I hope what I’ve learned would somehow help you in some aspects of your lives. Self-exploring is not that easy, but the Lord up there and some people around me and from our church, helped me to re-discover who I really am.

How can we be true to ourselves if we don’t know who we are and don’t have any idea how to find out? We can’t. We know we’re supposed to be “real”, but what does that mean? My sister-in-Christ once told me about this children’s classic, The Velveteen Rabbit. Margery Williams, the author, describes being real as being loved. Although on the surface the story is about toys which become real, this allegory teaches children how they can become genuine, or real. The book goes on to explain one can be loved only when one becomes him - or herself, complete with faults and strengths, but without pretense of artifice.

According to the story, the velveteen rabbit felt insignificant and quite commonplace because he was not expensive or mechanical. He had no moving parts, modern ideas or pretense. He could not refer to his technical makeup because he was stuffed with sawdust, which was quite out-of-date.

The velveteen rabbit’s only friend was another toy, which was called the Skin Horse. The Skin Horse had lived longer in the nursery than any of the others. He was so old that his brown coat was bald in patches and his seams showed. Most of the hair in his tail had been pulled out and used as string for bead necklaces. Although he was unsightly, he was wise, for he had seen a long succession of mechanical toys arrive and boast and swagger about, only later to see their mainsprings break.

The Skin Horse knew they were only toys, and he knew they would never turn into anything else. “Nursery magic” is very strange and wonderful, but only those playthings that are old, wise and experienced, like the Skin Horse, understand this.

“What is real?” asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. “Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?”

“Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but really loves you, then you become real.”

“Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.

“Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are real, you don’t mind being hurt.”
“Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,” he asked, “or bit by bit?”

“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are real, you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand… but once you are real you can’t become unreal again. It lasts for always.”

Margery Williams is telling children they shouldn’t be proud or haughty, or pretend to be more they are if they expect to be real. Neither should we. The story is actually perfect for me, as I had seen myself lately.

The Scriptures reminded me against being high-minded, haughty and proud. These attitudes cause us to be ashamed of our “sawdust” and prevent our acknowledging who we really are. Sometimes we hide for so long behind these attitudes that we need to rediscover who we are.

Inspired by E.M. Griffin’s suggestion, I learned a simple way of discovering who we are. Just look for a quiet place and spend five to seven minutes making a list of fifteen or more responses to the question, “Who Am I?”

After we’ve finished, we should look over the list and separate the nouns from the adjectives. Generally, the nouns will represent our identity that “mind’s-eye picture we have of ourselves.” This picture helps us focus on who we are and see how we differ from everyone else. If we know what to expect from ourselves, that’s one less variable to worry about. We can concentrate on other people’s actions and external circumstances. We don’t have to stew over our own response.

The adjectives represent our self-esteem, how we feel about ourselves. Most of us will include both positive and negative adjectives on our lists. We should recognize that the adjectives we view as negative may not appear to someone else to be negatives. However, we should try to improve in the areas where we feel weak, rather than subjecting ourselves to harsh criticism and self-contempt.

To feel good about ourselves, each of us needs strong self-esteem in four areas:

1. A Sense of Moral Worth (we need to know that we have been forgiven, that we are living according to God’s will. This prevents feelings of self-condemnation, guilt and fear.)
   
   
2. A Sense of Competence (we all need to know that we can do something well; no one can do everything well, but we can do something well. Even if our competence is strong in only one area, it will give us a sense of fulfillment, achievement and intrinsic worth.)
   
   
3. A Sense of Self-Determination (it will allow us the freedom to make our own decisions and our own choices. With this we’ll be better able to direct the course of our lives.)
   
   
4. A Sense of Unity (we should never feel as though there’s a part of us that is incongruent [in disagreement] with any other part. All parts of our nature should dovetail to make a whole person.)

These were what I’ve learned and meditated lately. I believe that when I know myself and am true to my ideals, it is easier for me to build good relationships with others.

Shakespeare illustrated this principle, albeit more dramatically, in Hamlet: “This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as night and day, thou canst not then be false to any man.”


THANKS ATE SHAMIH! (^_^)